Not every Super Bowl party is created equal. The quality of the festivities can vary greatly based on the catering and the company. While there are strategies for surviving a bad party, the best way to do that is to avoid the event altogether.
In some situations, though, it’s not socially acceptable to be honest about a lack of desire to fulfill an invitation. That’s when some cleverly placed and timed words can provide an exit without the social stigma. Here are five excuses ready for your usage.
Another Super Bowl party got to you first
The person who has invited you to the putrid party obviously doesn’t understand how desirable you are. Your public appearances do not occur at the last minute. They are planned well in advance and involve an entire entourage.
You can’t be in more than one place at a time and going to more than one party on Super Bowl Sunday just isn’t done. You have to honor your previous commitment.
Of course, if you don’t have a previous commitment, you have a choice. You need to decide whether you’d suffer more socially from being caught in a lie or telling the person who invited you that you don’t want to go to that specific party.
You could also lie but then cover your tracks by finding another party to attend. If there aren’t a lot of other desirable alternatives, though, you might want to go in an entirely different direction.
You’re on hold with customer support
No one who has ever contacted a company to get assistance with a product or service will be unfamilar with the sheer delight of the experience. They’ll also know how you can’t conduct that business in a room full of people with the television speaker volume set at the level necessary to compensate for that.
No, you need the kind of absolute silence that would make a scene from an M. Night Shyamalan movie seem loud. You’ve already wasted hours waiting for a call back after you pressed 2 to have them call you back when it’s your turn.
Say you’ve been on the phone with Caesars Support trying to get your money out of your account. Say you’re trying to get your $15 settlement payment from McCormick’s because that “all-natural” Savory All-Purpose seasoning was neither all-natural nor does it truly fit all purposes.
You put that stuff on a slice of key lime pie and it did not improve the dining experience.
It’s Curling Night in America
You love your country and you wear that patriotism instead of your heart on your sleeve. There’s no more pure expression of that national pride than supporting the US men’s and women’s curling teams at the 2022 Winter Olympics.
Both teams are in action on Sunday, Feb. 13. As you are a vociferous curling fan, you need to not only be glued to the screen but displaying all your emotions as the matches unfold.
It would be nigh impossible to do that amidst a Super Bowl party. Your support means everything, even from a distance of thousands of miles. The men’s team is facing China.
It’s a battle of capitalism vs. communism, the scale of which no one has seen since Rocky Balboa took on Ivan Drago in the boxing ring. You’d love to go, but this is the Miracle On Ice Part Deux.
You’re helping an old family friend
Your cousin’s old roommate was childhood friends with Jackson Nash, son of Graham Nash of Crosby, Stills & Nash fame. As the person who invited you to the party may have heard, the trio wants all their music removed from Spotify.
It turns out that Spotify is being really obstinate and making them do it themselves. However, the trio isn’t really that tech-savvy, and it also seems you have to do that one song at a time.
Super Bowl Sunday is unfortunately the only time you can get together to accomplish the task before at least one of the three of them will be “Long Time Gone.” Crosby’s taking the “Marrakesh Express” or something like that. You can’t remember for sure.
Thinking you might get done early enough to catch some of the game would just be “Helplessly Hoping.” You’ll probably work all night and won’t finish until it’s “Daylight Again.”
No time to waste
You’re really late to the Wordle game. For weeks, you thought Wordle was the name of an obscure Pokémon. Now, you’re struggling to catch up.
Yes, the web version is a once-a-day event. But, you were part of brokering the sale of Wordle to the New York Times. That gave you special access.
Now, you’re busy going through hundreds of puzzles to build your streak. You can’t solve all those quandaries in a busy environment.
In the metaverse, your Wordle credentials will be like a credit score. You’re investing in your future. Reese Witherspoon said we have to plan for this.
Best of luck to all who want to avoid a bad situation on Super Bowl eve. Hopefully, everyone will find an event they actually want to be at.